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Principal Witness
You always wore white khadi
salwar-kameezes, starched dupattas,
and canvas shoes. Your
hair well-oiled and tightly
knotted in a bun adorned
your bright, oval face,
marked by high cheek bones
and above all a forehead,
broad and strong—
you weren't at all pretty,
but there was something striking
about your whole personality,
so supple, strong and dynamic.
Even when it was warm,
a brown sweater covered your chest.
They said you were already
Head Mistress of a primary school
but I thought that slightly at odds with
a gravelly voice, loudly
affecting jovial chatter
or fellowship even with people
you barely knew. But then
you were as often withdrawn,
pensive or haughty: professionally,
you'd gone quite far, but perhaps
your emotional growth was blocked?
I was trying quickly to size you up
when you came and sat right next to me
with an unsettling familiarity,
as if we might have been old friends.
I had no idea that you had
take an instant liking for me
on the very first day of the camp.
In days that followed,
you faithfully attended all my talks,
without saying a word.
Then, suddenly, one night
you appeared in a dream
in a luminous body.
Smiling, you nestled against
my chest. Your offering
felt like an act of grace.
The next day I confronted you
affecting a light-hearted manner:
"What do you mean by barging
into other people's dreams,
that too without permission or
warning?" You looked up at me
frightened, even alarmed, then
quickly feigning disapproval,
denied knowing what I was talking
about. Later, more gently, even
indirectly, I told you how I'd
seen you as a figure of light
and now I regretted mentioning
the dream: they said talking
about vision prevents their recurrence.
You nodded your head silently,
as if saying, "Well, who asked
you to go and blabber about it?
Then, that night, as if just
to disprove my qualms,
again you invaded my dreams
flooding my whole being with
such sheer delight.
Later, when
I tried to give you a gift,
you refused: "Don't you understand,
you said quite roughly,
“I want to resist all attachments."
Afterwards, you studiously ignored
me till our departure.
Throughout the trip
you sat next to me, but said nothing.
When you alighted
I stood up to let you pass.
You brushed past me,
not even turning back and got
off, without saying goodbye.
