Free Fall

Let me forget myself momentarily—

as the divine did itself when it made this

beautiful world of sound, light, and colour,

and peopled it with all kinds of creatures,

great and small, peaceful or violent.

So let me find myself completely in the object

of my desire, let my self be totally lost

in the other, let me thus become a woman,

and fall hopelessly in love with the man

in her.  Let this love have no destination,

no hope of fulfilment or consummation;

let it be entirely futile, pointless, even

inconsequential.  And let my heart be riven,

broken, crushed, scattered beyond all

retrieval or recognition, let all my poise

and self-control, my pride of manhood

be totally undone in this all-consuming

passion.  O victory, I shall seek you

in my utter ruination, like a desperate

soul seeking solace in everlasting annihilation.

My obsession brooks no restraint or moderation;

I must be totally destroyed before I'm done,

no particle of me left safe or untouched.

I risk all to gain all; I am reckless in love

because I know that the one I love, after all,

is not I or you, but the lost whole of which

both are parts.  I am willing to wager all

because I know that my love will be as safe

with you as it is with the Mother of God.

Back to Selected Poems from Partial Disclosure

  Copyright © 2005 - Makarand Paranjape